Struggle

There's a constant struggle each and every day...What do you do when the 1 thing that is supposed to make life's struggle easier is actually the thing that give you the most struggle?

I feel like I have been stuck in this struggle for quite some time now..I know what I want, I just don't seem to get it. They say "If you want something bad enough, you have to work for it" or they say "if you want something, just get up and go get it" - There's plenty of quotes like that but what I say is...

"What if you tried?" Do you just give up? There's quotes about that too.. "Sometimes things just aren't meant to be" or "if you really gave it all you got, then you're stronger for it" well that's just a bunch of bullshit! What did being persistent, trying really hard get me? Nothing. Actually back to square one or worse, square negative which is worse than square one. But I'm a fighter, always have and always will be. I don't feel like a fighter, I just know that I have made it very far on my own in life and I'm pretty sure I'll make it through this too.

Sometimes, I just wish I didn't have to struggle with every piece of my life. When it wasn't family, it was friends. When it wasn't friends or family, it was work. When it wasn't work, family, or friends, - I'm not sure because I've never had a moment where each of those 3 things have felt at peace. That sucks. Is it like this for everyone? If it is, then that really sucks. If it's not then what can I do about it?

Be a New Yorker...Be Proud

Haven't written a post in a while...Seems like I got caught up in an NYC moment but I'm still me..deep down this Nola girl is a New Yorker! Am I proud to say that? I don't know. What does it mean to be a New Yorker?

Is it my zip code? Is it my birth certificate? Is it that I pay taxed in NYC? Is it that I walk the streets, go to sleep and wake up next to Empire State building? None of that makes you a New Yorker. I'm not a New Yorker. I think like most people I moved here for a purpose.

Everyone has a purpose, a plan, a mission, goals, ambitions, dreams and eventually that all gets jumbled and with some twists and turns along the way you're on a path of reality. Reality of where you are at this exact moment. You may be at work, or at home, or on your daily commute..whatever it may be you are where you're supposed to be at any given moment. Some of it's by choice and some of it isn't. But either way take a second and appreciate where you are because wherever you are is the most important place there is.

What happened to my life? 3 years ago I was writing about ambition, moving to NYC, no career, not many friends, not a settled life, but where am I now? Why did I come back to where I started in this city? Is that really what it is? No. It may feel like a struggle but I know more about this city and coping with it than I did 3 years ago.

I made it, I actually made an impact and moving to NYC to find myself and find a career was the best choice I ever made. I said I wanted to do bigger and better in NYC and instead of being good in Nola I wanted to be GREAT. I am! I always was, always will be.

What I've been through and struggled with, the many roller coasters of living in NYC really taught me something. You can't lose hope and don't get lost in this city. Lost in a figurative sense. There's awful things in this city but there are also great things. If you appreciate the great things and learn from the awful then there's really no way you will get lost in this NYC world.

Stay focused on your own life and what you want. If something doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. No point in being a baby and stomping your feet to get what you want. It never will be about what you want. Only what you need. Unless you're trying to decide what you eat for dinner, then it's what you want.

Someday, it'll all make sense and while I may feel proud at this moment of where I am. I know there will come a time when I will look back at this present time and know that whatever I go through now, whatever obstacles face. I choose to move on and will feel prouder. Prouder each day. One more day in this city, is a win so be proud every day. :)