Struggle

There's a constant struggle each and every day...What do you do when the 1 thing that is supposed to make life's struggle easier is actually the thing that give you the most struggle?

I feel like I have been stuck in this struggle for quite some time now..I know what I want, I just don't seem to get it. They say "If you want something bad enough, you have to work for it" or they say "if you want something, just get up and go get it" - There's plenty of quotes like that but what I say is...

"What if you tried?" Do you just give up? There's quotes about that too.. "Sometimes things just aren't meant to be" or "if you really gave it all you got, then you're stronger for it" well that's just a bunch of bullshit! What did being persistent, trying really hard get me? Nothing. Actually back to square one or worse, square negative which is worse than square one. But I'm a fighter, always have and always will be. I don't feel like a fighter, I just know that I have made it very far on my own in life and I'm pretty sure I'll make it through this too.

Sometimes, I just wish I didn't have to struggle with every piece of my life. When it wasn't family, it was friends. When it wasn't friends or family, it was work. When it wasn't work, family, or friends, - I'm not sure because I've never had a moment where each of those 3 things have felt at peace. That sucks. Is it like this for everyone? If it is, then that really sucks. If it's not then what can I do about it?

Be a New Yorker...Be Proud

Haven't written a post in a while...Seems like I got caught up in an NYC moment but I'm still me..deep down this Nola girl is a New Yorker! Am I proud to say that? I don't know. What does it mean to be a New Yorker?

Is it my zip code? Is it my birth certificate? Is it that I pay taxed in NYC? Is it that I walk the streets, go to sleep and wake up next to Empire State building? None of that makes you a New Yorker. I'm not a New Yorker. I think like most people I moved here for a purpose.

Everyone has a purpose, a plan, a mission, goals, ambitions, dreams and eventually that all gets jumbled and with some twists and turns along the way you're on a path of reality. Reality of where you are at this exact moment. You may be at work, or at home, or on your daily commute..whatever it may be you are where you're supposed to be at any given moment. Some of it's by choice and some of it isn't. But either way take a second and appreciate where you are because wherever you are is the most important place there is.

What happened to my life? 3 years ago I was writing about ambition, moving to NYC, no career, not many friends, not a settled life, but where am I now? Why did I come back to where I started in this city? Is that really what it is? No. It may feel like a struggle but I know more about this city and coping with it than I did 3 years ago.

I made it, I actually made an impact and moving to NYC to find myself and find a career was the best choice I ever made. I said I wanted to do bigger and better in NYC and instead of being good in Nola I wanted to be GREAT. I am! I always was, always will be.

What I've been through and struggled with, the many roller coasters of living in NYC really taught me something. You can't lose hope and don't get lost in this city. Lost in a figurative sense. There's awful things in this city but there are also great things. If you appreciate the great things and learn from the awful then there's really no way you will get lost in this NYC world.

Stay focused on your own life and what you want. If something doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. No point in being a baby and stomping your feet to get what you want. It never will be about what you want. Only what you need. Unless you're trying to decide what you eat for dinner, then it's what you want.

Someday, it'll all make sense and while I may feel proud at this moment of where I am. I know there will come a time when I will look back at this present time and know that whatever I go through now, whatever obstacles face. I choose to move on and will feel prouder. Prouder each day. One more day in this city, is a win so be proud every day. :)

Small things

Sometimes the small things make people happy and often people try and find happiness in the big things. Each day you're alive should make you happy. How you choose to live that day is what makes it a life worth living.

Friends

What would life be without friends...

That's a thought, right? Seriously...I have the most amazing friends and I'm so lucky to have them. There's not enough gratitude I can express to make them realize how much the little things matter to me. If there weren't people you can just rely on for anything, then it would be no life at all. Those people are amazing friends. They just show up and know how to take your mind off things and if it weren't for them, I would just be lost. It's nice knowing people care and results in waking up with a smile :)

On a more positive note, I'm appreciating NYC more and more each day. Not sure how long my NYC adventure will continue but I'm trying hard to survive the 'Big Apple'

Focus

People always say... "I'm focusing on myself right now" but are they really?

Focus on your family, career, kids, friends, etc whatever you may want it to be. Why is it that the minute 1 aspect of our life goes haywire we lose focus on the 1 thing we care most about. Remember what that 1 thing is, set the goals and go for it! Remember not to lose sight of what really matters.

It's easy to get distracted and forget about working towards your goals especially when human nature is to want everything to be perfect all the time. It will never be perfect. We have to find perfection in our imperfections. That's what makes us and our lives unique.

Focus on 1 thing at a time and other things will fall into place and then your imperfect life will be perfect.

Tomorrow may not come

 Every moment and every person in your life that you love is precious, don't take them for granted but show them how you feel. More than once.

I will never forget the memories I have of you, those will be with me always. I will always remember you and will forever keep you in my heart. You helped raise me when I was a child and have seen me grow up to who I am today. I know you're watching over me, every step of the way, guiding me and blessing me. I wish it wasn't goodbye, I just wasn't ready to say it yet. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I know you're resting in a peaceful place and I can only hope I can pass on the warmth, love, and generosity as you did for others asking nothing in return. You were a great wife, mother, sister, aunt, a great woman that we will remember always.

Tomorrow may not be there so "Live Well, Love Much, and Laugh Often" 

Growing Up

Here's the strange part. I've always been afraid of growing up. But with age comes wisdom. Yea it sounds funny to say it like that but it's true.

Years ago when i was graduating from high school or even further back when i was graduating middle school in 2000. WOW. almost 11 years ago. So much has changed and I've learned so much.

The last few days I've come to realize a couple things about myself and people in general. In life everyone works hard to get where they want to go. Some make it further than the others and sometimes the universe has something else in mind. So everyone's plans change. I never planned to be in New York at this age, single, looking for a career change. But here I am! Some people planned to finish high  school then go to college and then get a job in whatever. For some that happened. For some, it wasn't so black and white. There's a lot of grey in life. How you react and adapt to situations in life is what makes you, you.
I went to a public middle school and then a catholic high school. I'm not sure if it was the education or the upbringing or the choices we make as we grow up but everyone's life didn't go according to plan. I think it has a lot to do with the choices we make which are stemmed from how we were raised. There were people who didn't think I would go anywhere in life, because I was a shy 8th grader. years later when I ran into the same people from my class of 2000. It was apparent that I was headed in the direction to do big things. I could have rubbed it in their faces, getting a scholarship to a private university or living in a big city like Chicago at the time and making 3X if not more than them. But clearly we are all happy in our own way.

People work hard in their own capacity. I realized this then and again recently that people make choices and you live with those choices and you accept it because that it reality. Generally everyone is happy with the way things are and the ones that aren't happy, well they could be in an entirely different situation and things could be far worse.
Everyone has to live their own life and stop worrying about others. where they are in life, etc etc. It's not a game. Everybody has a different way of thinking and everyone goes someplace in life and more often than not. Everyone knows how and why they got there.

Life isn't a competition, it's about getting somewhere right? Success? why not focus on being the best "you" and you will automatically get everything you deserve.